It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
