the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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