there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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