Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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