I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I looked at my own cervix.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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