Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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