1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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