so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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