I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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