It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
