He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
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Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
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Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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