She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
