2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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