I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
