Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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