Redeem this text for a blowjob
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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