If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
