Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
