Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Randomize
