as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My liver can't handle being unemployed!