If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
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I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
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The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.