i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i can juggle bunnies
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.