Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.