True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
