then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
