And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
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Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
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Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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