I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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