I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
