you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
