Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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