I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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