Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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