apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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