My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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