either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
