Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
