I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Randomize