Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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