Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
