the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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