9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize