explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
