my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
