3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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