I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
