she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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