What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
