Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
