Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
