and you said cock pushups were impossible
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
