she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
