naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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