I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
