He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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