Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
