I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
