the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
