birth control should be required to get into college
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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