Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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