i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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