You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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