i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize