I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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