what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
