so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
